It’s been a while since I have last posted.

I mean, my posts are usually about once a month.  I don’t plan it that way; it just happens, but it seems that I skipped October.

It was probably because I was so caught up in swimming and school that “I didn’t have time for Jesus.”

That is absolutely sad.

So in this dry period, I must say that I have not felt like a Christian in the past month or two.

I have not felt like being loving or compassionate or gracious or giving or caring….. and I hate it.

Isn’t it spectacular?  I hate it.  That is exactly what gives me hope.

Romans 7:11-25 “And it is no longer myself, but sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do — this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.  For in my inner being I delight in God’s law;  but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?  Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

I have felt overwhelmed with worldly and selfish desires.  These unholy desires come from within my sinful nature…. and I hate them, but I continue to do them. Paul is saying exactly what I feel.

(Amen, brother Paul.)

There is so much hope for me in this verse though.  I hate what I do. It sickens me.  I want God so much more than I want myself.

Psalm 97:10 – “Let those who love the Lord hate evil.”

I hate my evil.  My inborn evil; I hate it, and once again I say: this gives me hope.

Hope that I am a Christian, because sometimes I don’t feel like it.

Hope that God is close to me, because sometimes I don’t believe it.

Hope that one day I will be restored to Him, because I long for righteousness.

I’m not saying I feel less dirty, but I know God has cleansed me. I know this full and well. I pray that I will, and all others will know this more and more everyday. It is the anchor to my soul; without it, I would sink.